Friends Often Let You Down

Friendship has to be based on overlooking shortcomings on each side and not being thin skinned and understanding the moods of your friends.

How many friends do you need?

How many friends do you think you need?

We’re talking about face to face friends, not social media. Maybe people in your neighborhood. Do you have friends at work?

How many fingers can you use to count your true friends?

When you are little it is sometimes easy to make friends as a kid. Well, usually it is.

When I was a small girl my parents moved from state to state because of my father’s job, so I was in and out of different schools. Just when I would be settled in and made friends, we would move. It was very traumatic at the time. It was hard saying goodbye to my girlfriends. Many tears flowed. Of course, we all promised to write and keep in touch and we did for awhile.

I had to adjust to another new school, new teachers and try to make new friends. This instability early on in my life has probably contributed to me being slow to make friends at this point in my life.

You need quality time with friends to maintain good mental health and happiness, or so I’ve heard. However, there are a lot of lonely, isolated people of all ages in this world.

No one can look at me and know whether or not I am lonely or isolated. It doesn’t show on my face like a mole! I may look like I have a lot of friends. Sometimes a facial expression can be a give away as to how a person is feeling.

As we get older, it gets harder to make new friends. Some people have all the friends they can handle and until someone dies, there is no room for anyone else.

You may know people that you consider to be acquaintances, but that’s not the same as a friend. Friendship is deeper than an acquaintanceship.

For several years I lived next door to a couple who had friendships that lasted over 30 years. These people attended parties together, played golf, belonged to the same country club and traveled together. I was always amazed at how they maintained their friendships.

What is the secret to truly great lasting friendships?

Despite the many things that I have done for “friends” over the last 20 years, there is no one now that I can refer to as a dear friend. There is not a support system that I would like to have. Someone to lean on and offer advice.

Of course, some of them have moved out of state, some have divorced and that oftentimes ends friendships. Then some have passed away.

There are still some around that we just don’t see anymore. Life moves on for us all. I admit that I have moved away from some “friends” as we all began to be busy and life gets in the way. There was never an explanation, just a drifting apart.

Why do friendships end? Who really knows?

As an example of a friendship that ended mysteriously:

There was a couple that lived out of town that we have known for several years. We used to spend many hours antique shopping, dining out, hosting dinner parties, and traveling around. There was always a feeling that the relationship was not deep, like a distance that I could not pinpoint. Keeping each other at arms length. They NEVER disclosed anything personal. I had known them for a long time before the husband talked about his job. I never asked anything, I always assume if people want you to know something, they will tell you.

One year they bought a chest of drawers at an antique shop and they could not get it back to their home, so we brought it to our home to keep for them.

Each time that they came to visit, the wife would look at it, but never mentioned taking it home.

Years past, 12 years to be exact and they still had not taken the furniture home.

We didn’t mind keeping it, but I felt like they didn’t want it anymore and maybe they weren’t sure how to tell us. So, I asked if they would like to sell it, because I could use the extra storage. And they wouldn’t have to bother moving it as the husband needed a truck to get it home.

I was prepared to give them $400.00 for it, which was more than they paid for it, but where money and friends are concerned, I felt by offering more I would not be taking advantage of them.

That was in the month of October. Neither one gave me an answer, so when they left to go home, I still did not know what they wanted to do.

Weeks past and we received a Christmas card with a note telling me to keep it, as we had stored it for so many years.

She gave it to me! Who does that? She walked away from $400.00!

I am very grateful, but I would have preferred to have paid for it.

Now it seems they no longer wish to be friends. It’s been 5 years. The Christmas cards have stopped and they no longer answer my notes.

I can only imagine that because I asked about buying the piece, that it made them uncomfortable. Since I didn’t get a response, I would not have mentioned it again, but I guess they didn’t want to be confronted over it.

I really have no idea what happened. I called them once and the reception was less then enthusiastic to hear from me.

Oh Well!

People come and go thru your life like a revolving door, and those that you think will always be there for you, turn out to be the biggest disappointments.

We see relationships and friends in the movies and on TV and we think that’s how it should be. But life is not a Hallmark movie.

Do you remember the “Golden Girls”? They were true friends who actually cared about each other.

Everyone is so busy today and that makes it hard to schedule time out for nurturing friendships. Being a friend takes caring and time.

Peoples lives change and sometimes we do not know the internal problems that our friends have if they don’t confide in us.

If you get your feelings hurt, you should tell your friend how you feel.

But, if you are angry about something that your BFF did or said, before you lose your temper and your friend, try writing out what you want to say to your friend. Read it over a couple of times out loud to yourself. You may change your mind and your tone. This will help you to not say something that you may regret later on.

I do not believe in telling all my personal business to everyone. You may have one true friend you sincerely trust. If you do, congratulations.

Thank them for being your friend. Let them know how much their friendship means to you and try to be a good friend to them.

Good friends should have deep feelings for each other. They should care about your welfare.

A good friend is someone you could call at 3 a.m. and they would be concerned, not angry.

Good friends do not abandon one another without an explanation. You should be able to tell your friend if your feelings are hurt or you don’t agree on something.

No one should wear their feelings on their sleeve. We must learn to be tolerant and overlook things that are probably not very important anyway.

You should be able to express your opinions on anything without losing friendships.

Life is just too short to waste it.