I am so sorry for your loss and I completely understand. I lost my husband Feb. 3, 2020. I am still struggling, trying to put one foot in front of the other to move along. We had 42 years together, no children or family. Trying to figure everything out on my own. So much of what you wrote sounds like me. My husband was so perfect that there's no way anyone else could take his place. I will never settle. It is hard to be alone. I still have days that I can't breathe. There are no words to say to make you feel better. I wish that I could. Take care of yourself. Hugs.